Dear fellow practitioners!
By a Bulgarian practitioner, January 1st 2018.
A while ago, along with my desire to be more diligent, I started to think and look into questions connected to my personal motivation and cultivation. I would like to share with you a few insights I have had at my limited cultivation level.
The main reason to start digging into this matter is that very often I have days when I could be more diligent, do better with my cultivation and do better the three things. And so, naturally the next step was to look within. What I saw were of course a number of attachments. However as these attachments are very big and fundamental for men, and even though I’ve worked on them for years, I can’t achieve the power to eliminate them all at once. I see them thinning up and getting weaker. And for me, in order to eliminate another one of their layers, I have to find and analyze deeper the issues concerning these attachments.
At the end, in my point of view, it’s not enough just to see an attachment or that somebody tells you: “You have this and that attachment”, because this is just the first step! After seeing it the real work starts. I have to dig into it myself, to think, to analyze and to find the branches or the different layers of a certain attachment. This must be done in order to be able to eliminate or transform these layers and branches.
And while working on this matter I thought of Master’s words.
“Cultivate with the heart you once had, and consummation is certain.”
Teaching the Fa at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference
After I put light on this matter I found out that Master has given me a very clear sign and path about what to do so that I can make it in my cultivation! And when I thought whether I was cultivating with the heart I once had the answer was no. And logically I started looking for the difference. What is my heart now and what was it in the beginning. I enlightened to several things.
One of them was the conscious and free choice.
As a man in this society I have to make hundreds of choices a day but when I think about how conscious I was in making them I was not pleased.
I have the following situation. When I sit down to prepare my schedule for the day or the annual goals, basically, when I organize my time I enlightened to one thing.
At that moment I have complete freedom.
I and only I decide about my time. All 24 hours, every day!
How I will live and experience them and what I will invest my time in depends only and entirely on me. For me this is freedom. Conversely, if I wasn’t free then somebody else would be making decisions about how I spend my time. For example, if I was a slave in a labour camp or a prisoner, then somebody else defines what will happen to me and my time. I also found out another very interesting example that maybe even defines us as we are…
The example is… when we are kids! Our most important years. In the years when we build our character and views we are not free! Somebody else arranges our time and what we need to do. Of course this is something normal and it would be weird if it wasn’t like that. But what I found was that there was a view formed inside me, that I hadn’t managed to turn around 100%. At the moment when I am completely free to do whatever I want with my time I find consciously the following principle:
You want money, even for the most basic needs as food and accommodation and that is also a conscious choice and there are people who have for example made another choice and wants to have more money. You have to do this and that and this will cost you that many hours from the day. It’s your decision. You want kids? The kids will cost you that much time (and money). You want to cultivate? This will cost you that.
It’s my choice what I want and what I don’t want.
And here is the outcome for me.
All the choices in my life from a certain point on, I have made them on my own. However I found out that very often I say one word. The word that carries in it a certain notion and meaning for me and it is… must!
“Oh, I must work” or “Oh, I must do this house chore”… or “Oh, I must do exercises” or “Oh, I must study the Fa”.
I find that the notion and meaning that the word <<must>> contains in itself is something that has to be done under pressure. And if it’s under pressure, there is resistance, there is load, there is rebellion… I have to do something against my own will. It’s like somebody else took away my freedom and is forcing me to do things. And for me this is the inner meaning of the word <<must>>.
And here is the paradox. Everything I do in my life is because I want to do it. Nobody is forcing me. There is no must! Must doesn’t exist in my life right now! From my current point of view it’s even quite funny because just a small word defines my unconscious negative attitude toward things that I have consciously chosen!
And so everything in my daily schedule turned from “Must do this and that” to “Want to do this and that”. Which is absolutely more truthful.
In this aspect I found one of, supposedly, several differences between my heart now and the heart I once had.
Before, when I was doing the exercises and studied, there was no must. There was only want! Very strong as well. And so I managed to come one step closer to the heart I once had.
On the road I have walked, I found two other related matters that are quite deep and these are the matter of thoughts and their consciousness, as well as enthusiasm… Let´s think about that another time, when I reach a deeper understanding of them.
Thank you Master!
Thank you dear fellow practitioners.